Laughter and tears

I’m always marveling at the flexibility of the human heart. I’m not talking about the organ that pumps blood through the body, but the ability for us to love. We have our hearts broken time and again yet somehow we always find a new source of love within us. Even in our grief of a broken heart we have the ability to smile and laugh and eventually we realize that what was broken is whole again, with a slight scar to remind us of the price of love.

It’s hard to remember, in the midst of sadness and grief, that we can heal and there will be happy times again. When tragedy strikes the future seems empty and all we have left are our memories. But what are memories but a reminder of what was once the future? Someday the tragedy we are dealing with today will be only a memory. There will be smiles again. There will be laughter again. There will be happiness again.

I’m writing this tonight as I deal with the death of my beloved dog, Daphne. At the same time I’m watching my baby boy, Fred chewing on his own ear. Tears and laughter at the same time. I mourn the loss of my little girl and smile at the antics of my little boy. It is this mixture of emotions tonight that inspired me to think and write about the ability of the human heart to love, be broken, heal, and love again.

My heart aches for Daphne, and takes joy in Fred.

Broken, yet healing, and someday to love again.

Amazing, isn’t it?

Outrunning Invisibility

I’ve started running again. It seems I do that when things start getting chaotic in my life. I’ve found that when I run I don’t need to worry about being invisible. I can’t see you looking through me when my eyes are focused on the road ahead. I can’t hear you laughing at me with the wind in my ears. I can feel the blood flowing through my body, telling me I’m alive in spite of what you may think. I can feel the ground beneath my feet and the wind in my hair and that tells me I am really here. When I run it doesn’t matter to me that you would rather have the shinny toy that is tarnished and rusted inside.  When I run, the memory of your betrayal fades with every mile I leave behind.

When I run, stay out of my way because you are the invisible one and I am the one laughing. When I run I am alive, shinny and bright inside and out. When I run my world is my own and you have no place in it. When I run I leave you far behind.

When I run I can see the future bright and beautiful laid out before me and I feel strong enough to keep running until I reach that bright and beautiful land. When I run you don’t matter at all.

When I run the only thing that matters is me.

Happiness Earned

There’s a wide variety of topics that have crossed my mind to blog about lately, from age, to relationships, to the various motivations behind people’s actions. A lot has been happening lately that is worth discussion but it all seems so depressing when I start writing about it. Life is challenging from time to time and people don’t always do the right thing, but that isn’t any reason to get down.

I’ve always believed in my mind that it doesn’t matter what people think of me, as long as I like who I am. But what your mind knows and what your heart feels can sometimes be very different from one another. You hear words spoken in what might be a joke that strike too close to your true feelings and those words aren’t so funny anymore. You see the heartless and just plain mean actions of thoughtless people and you take it to heart and let it affect your mood. Sometimes it’s hard to get your heart and your mind to communicate with one another.

My mind knows who I am, my heart (like many other people) sometimes has doubts. But I digress from my original thought process. Yes, life is challenging and yes, some people are just mean or evil, but that is no reason to let it affect your mood or your faith in yourself. It can be hard, sometimes, to keep your spirits up when all around you seems to be working against you. If you can overcome it, however, you might find that the happiness you experience is that much sweeter. Anything earned is much more appreciated than something given to you. That is true of anything, an education, a paycheck, and especially happiness.