Well, it’s about time I got back to blogging. It’s been quite a while since I wrote anything that wasn’t a school paper. Not from lack of things to write about, just no time. This last semester in school is pretty intense and I’ve decided to finally get serious about no longer being the “fat kid” which means an hour and a half to two hours a day at the gym. I’m still not sure where I found the time to do that, but it’s important to me, so I do it. I’ve set the time on my schedule and I really try to make sure nothing interrupts that. To some that may seem frivolous, but if I want to change my life it can’t be. It's my gift to me.
That brings me to the topic of the week, confidence. This week has been an up and down for me with confidence. It is amazing how quickly things can change just by a look or sound from someone you don’t know. That goes in both directions. Self confidence comes from within, but it can still be affected by things outside of our control. For instance, I can’t control the small minded bimbos at the gym who are only there to flirt with the tools in the weight area. I can’t stop them from sneering at me when I walk by dripping from a workout and I can’t control the nasty comments they make or the fact that the men there seem to be drawn to that sort of “woman.” I can control my reaction to them. I refuse to let them chase me away or be ashamed of what I am trying to accomplish. I’m not there to attract a boyfriend or gain anyone else’s approval. I am there for me, and me alone.
It can be so hard to remember that sometimes. Especially when you look like something the dog dug out of the yard and you feel like you could fall down the stairs at any moment. I have to remind myself sometimes that they may have the body that I want, but I have a mind and a heart that they can’t even imagine. And someday, someone out there will be able to look past the fakery of these types of “women” and see real quality, not just what is on the surface. If not, does it really matter? Would I really want to be with someone who only saw me for what was on the surface?
Which brings me back to “confidence.” It can easily be affected by others but only temporarily because confidence comes from within your heart and mind. My body may not be the strongest, yet, but I am working on that. My mind and my heart, however, cannot be touched by those who’s confidence only comes from belittling those who look, act, or believe differently from you.
I’ve got to keep this kind of short tonight. There is still homework to be done, a yard to save, a house to clean, and all of that must be done before my body figures out just how tired it is after the two hours spent pushing itself at the gym tonight.
Until next time, my friends and readers, stay true to yourself and never let the little people bring you down to their level.
